An Ear to Hear

Hello and Welcome to Irresistible Husbands:

Since this is my first blog, let me tell you a little bit about myself and why I've started this blog.  I've been happily married to my sweet wife for a little over 27 years and we've been blessed with three children ages 13,17 and 20. We are the best of friends; we talk for hours!  We still hold hands. I still open the door for my bride, and our passion for each other is stronger than it was in our youth. We not only love each other, we are "In Love" with each other!!!  A great deal of our success was obtained by a willingness on both parts to listen to one another.  By doing that, we learned to "fight fair", but that's not how my life started out.  I didn't get this relationship from long years of watching an example.

To give you a little background, I was born and raised in Chicago, the 7th of 10 children. I grew up in a dysfunctional home. When I grew older and saw my parents 53 year "marriage", I vowed that when I got married, I was not going to have a relationship like theirs! My mom and dad came to a place in their relationship where they were just room mates. They got use to being around each other. I never witnessed romantic love between them, I never saw my dad show any affection toward my mom. I never heard my dad call my mom a term of endearment, like "sweetheart", or "honey".....nothing. I never saw them kiss, hold hands or even hug each other. I know...sad. However, I did see emotion. Unfortunately, it was usually anger.  I remember the loud arguments and abuse that went on in the home. So you may ask "well, how did you know what to do after you got married"?! Well, I simply did the exact opposite of what I saw my father do.  

I made sure that my wife knew that she was the apple of my eye, and I daily expressed my love and appreciation for her. She knows she has my heart. However, we are both human and we have our disagreements, even arguments. So here's my question. When you think of the word "Argument" what comes to mind?

An Ear to Hear

The goal of this article is to help people understand the crucial importance of listening, and hearing in relationships, and why it is the most important part of communication.When you get into a fight vs. an argument, you cut off the possibilities of good communication (i.e. listening and hearing). Whatever you want to call it: a verbal fight, a disagreement, or a spat, when voices are being raised, and names are being called and the verbal exchange turns personal, ugly and unfortunately physical, that's not an argument....that's a fight! And both sides are trying to "win" the battle. Here's the problem,someone is going to lose. Most believe that this is just an argument when it's really not, it is a fight! The definition of fight:a violent confrontation or struggle,a battle or war This is the beginning of the destruction of communication and the realationship!

Why do I say that, you ask? Here's why: Anytime I say things to deliberately hurt my spouse, or they say something that cuts to the heart to the point that it creates a spark that kindles deep animosity and resentment.  As a result, I see them in a light that I've never seem them before, a light that reflects a hurtful person.  This is a fight and not an argument. A argument is an attempt to get the other person to see your point of view, not so that you can win, but  so that you both advance in the relationship. Now, the reason I focused on this for my first series of articles is because so many relationships have fallen apart because of this particular misunderstanding in communication. It's time we learn how to communicate in a way that brings success and satifaction to both parties.

Feel free to comment or share your experiences.