What women want men to know.

"A woman wants to be cherished, loved, protected and appreciated by her man. She wants to be the apple of his eye, his living fantasy. She want to be in his thoughts though out his day, and when he sees her....all of the world fades away because he only has eyes for her."  ~ D.G Milton

As a younger man I became interested in understanding more about women. I did learn somethings that help me in my relationships.  I'm not proclaiming that I'm an expert on women (who really can make that claim?) however, when I got married I quickly realized that understanding women was not nearly as important as understanding and knowing my woman, my wife....the love of my life.

I would venture to say that most women would want a man to know something about a woman, have some understanding about the female, however I believe it is much more important to a woman that her man,her husband knows about her, the individual....his woman.

In my experience in counseling couples over the years, one of the constant threads I've found is this: women are much more interested in relationships then men are. I believe that this is one of the reasons that there are so many lopsided marriages. You can ask a man : "How's your marriage going?" He'll likely say "Great!" Now....ask his wife the same question!

Several years ago I knew a older man who was very bold. When he walked to into a room he would say "GOOD MORNING!" in a loud booming voice. Everyday he'd do this. He come into the lunchroom laughing,talking loud, and slinging insults to anyone who got in his way. He was actually a very nice man. One day he came into the lunchroom very quiet,very somber, thoughtful. One of the other men who was older, asked him was he ok. He was nearing his retirement....and it hit him. He said this to his friend: "I'm about to retire and live with a woman that I've been married to for over thirty five years...but we don't really know each other anymore." I sat there stuned, and vowed "I'm not letting that happen to me"  

I was in a store that I frequent. Over time I got to know some of the workers. I don't remember, but I some how got into a conversation about marriage with one of the lady cashiers, she had been married for over thirty years, she married very young. She is one of the most friendliest people, always smiling . She seemed to be very happy.   I asked how was it going after all of these years....the look in her eyes told the story...her husband of many years did not really know her!  She only said in a disappointed tone, "well, we could be closer, it could be better."

Some time later in the same store another worker and I were having a conversation, told her about our 27th anniversary. She mentioned her many years of marriage. She said she hit the Jack Pot when she married her husband. How he takes care of her and was interested in her as a person, her goals ,her growth and her dreams, it was refreshing to hear. 

When I council experienced couples, those who have been married for 10+ years,

one of the first things I say to them is you both have changed and are going to change again as time goes on: stay current with your mate! keep up with who they are and are becoming. Don't lose track of them as an individual. 

I then tell them to read the lyric to the Rupert Holmes song "Escape" The pina~colada song. Until next time.

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RUPERT HOLMES LYRICS

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"Escape (The Piña Colada Song)"

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleepin' I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns, there was this letter I read

If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half bad

Yes, I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's where we'll plan our escape

So I waited with high hopes and she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady and she said, "Aw, it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment and I said, "I never knew."

That you like piña coladas and gettin' caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
You're the lady I've looked for, come with me and escape

Listen and listen good! Communication 101

Listening and listen good: Communication 101

I was having a conversation with my daughter. We were talking about general bad habits around the house. All though my daughter is an adult, I went into my "Father knows Best" mode and started giving her instructions on how to watch for bad habits when visiting other people's homes, as I was in mid sentence, she cut me off!

I guess she figured she heard enough, and knew what I was about to say. My guess is she didn't want to hear a long lecture and launched into her dissertation on her excellent outside-the-house- good-habits! She went on with how careful she was about her conduct around her friends, her good,no, excellent manners. Her being polite and how conscience she was of leaving things out, how she ALWAYS put thing back where she found them. She was on a roll!. I'm almost thinking.....who are you and what have you done with my daughter!?I took both of her hands, looked her in the eyes and asked "How much have you learned in life by talking?" She smiled and apologized.

One of the major ways we learn as we go through life is from listening, hearing what's being said, and sometimes what's not being said. To the men, someone once said:"Listen very closely when a women is quiet!"  And to the women: "If you wish to know the mind of a man,listen to his words." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

Want to know what's one of the first steps in the development of a healthy relationship? Start with listening to each other. Listening is crucial when it comes to learning your mate!  I can't over emphasize this point. When a husband and wife learn to listen to what is being said in a conversation between the two, and take into consideration that they are individuals and deserve to be heard, and appreciated, the building blocks of a solid relationship are being established.

Has this ever happened to you? Your husband or wife has done something, or said something that didn't sit well with you and as a result you were hot, mad, upset! However as you heard them out and listened to their explanation, anger began to leave. I know this doesn't happen all of the time, but you get the point, that it was through listening that a blow-up or fight was averted.

So remember, One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.

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