Be Angry and sin not: (It's ok to get angry, just don't be stupid!

 A young man just met a young lady and felt that she was THE ONE, and when I say "young man" I mean he's younger than me ( he's in his 40s). He told me how well they got along and just how well they clicked, he was very excited.


 I listened, and after he had finished his declaration of the new found Love Of His Life, I told him this: "Well that's nice. I'm happy that you found someone you can share your life with" I asked him "Is she a keeper?" he said with enthusiasm "YES!!!" I then said, " Well, the real measure of how well you two will get along is how you handle your arguments."  A week later he came to see me...." Man, this woman got attitude!" Me: What woman? Him: The girl I'm dating! Me: What happened? Him: well man, you know we had a misunderstanding, and she got a nasty attitude with me, I ain't got time for this!


 They were angry at each other over a miscommunication. And of course, I reminded him of what I mentioned to him a week earlier. In relationships, it's not the good times that make the relationship: It's going through the disagreements while remaining friends, lovers, and each other biggest support. Everyone get's angry, EVERYONE! (Yeah I'm talking to you church folk!)


Getting angry is normal, it's human, but how one handles their anger toward their husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend will determine the eventual success or failure of the relationship, so my advice is simply this: It's ok to be angry, just DON'T BE STUPID!

If you know you are a " Hot head" or, like me, have "Hair trigger, rapid fire, one-liner comebacks" or one of those wanna just throw something across a room type, it's imperative that you first understand that yielding to your emotions during times of anger can cause irrevocable damage. It's vital to comprehend that stepping away gives you time to think, to reflect on being introspective.

 Understanding yourself helps with personal growth and the by-product will also affect your relationships in a positive manner. There's a Greek maxim; "Know thyself" (Socrates) In my opinion knowing and understanding yourself is even more important than knowing your mate. The reason I say this is because when you have an understanding of yourself, it is easier to work on understanding your mate, your girlfriend or boyfriend. You'll put yourself in the position to avoid doing or saying something that can ruin the relationship.

  So take the time to understand yourself, take the time to know and understand the love of your life and remember, it's ok to be angry....just don't be stupid!

What Women want men to know about women Part 2.

I believe when Adam saw Eve it was instant love. Out of all of the things,
animals and insects he looked upon , he quickly realized that this great creation
was for him and him alone! It's not written how long Adam was alone,but when
 Eve came on the scene Adam's world changed forever.  

When a man finds "The One" his world changes. I was speaking to a young man recently and he asked me how is it that I only had eyes for my wife when there are so many other women out there. I explained to him that when you fall in love, no one other woman will be able at that moment to get your attention like the love of your heart does.


This young man temporarily move away leaving his girlfriend. After
about three weeks of keeping in touch with her, he told me how right I was.

"No other girl could get my attention regardless how pretty she was, I just kept thinking about my girlfriend, and how much I missed her!" He move back to the town she's in and they are together today.

Every woman want to feel attractive, period! Every woman want to be loved, she want to be desired and cherished. She want to cared for and she must know that she comes first in her man's heart.

Remember this "Every woman want's a man who treats her heart as his own and never let her go to bed with tears in her eyes!" ~ A. Khurana

What women want men to know.

"A woman wants to be cherished, loved, protected and appreciated by her man. She wants to be the apple of his eye, his living fantasy. She want to be in his thoughts though out his day, and when he sees her....all of the world fades away because he only has eyes for her."  ~ D.G Milton

As a younger man I became interested in understanding more about women. I did learn somethings that help me in my relationships.  I'm not proclaiming that I'm an expert on women (who really can make that claim?) however, when I got married I quickly realized that understanding women was not nearly as important as understanding and knowing my woman, my wife....the love of my life.

I would venture to say that most women would want a man to know something about a woman, have some understanding about the female, however I believe it is much more important to a woman that her man,her husband knows about her, the individual....his woman.

In my experience in counseling couples over the years, one of the constant threads I've found is this: women are much more interested in relationships then men are. I believe that this is one of the reasons that there are so many lopsided marriages. You can ask a man : "How's your marriage going?" He'll likely say "Great!" Now....ask his wife the same question!

Several years ago I knew a older man who was very bold. When he walked to into a room he would say "GOOD MORNING!" in a loud booming voice. Everyday he'd do this. He come into the lunchroom laughing,talking loud, and slinging insults to anyone who got in his way. He was actually a very nice man. One day he came into the lunchroom very quiet,very somber, thoughtful. One of the other men who was older, asked him was he ok. He was nearing his retirement....and it hit him. He said this to his friend: "I'm about to retire and live with a woman that I've been married to for over thirty five years...but we don't really know each other anymore." I sat there stuned, and vowed "I'm not letting that happen to me"  

I was in a store that I frequent. Over time I got to know some of the workers. I don't remember, but I some how got into a conversation about marriage with one of the lady cashiers, she had been married for over thirty years, she married very young. She is one of the most friendliest people, always smiling . She seemed to be very happy.   I asked how was it going after all of these years....the look in her eyes told the story...her husband of many years did not really know her!  She only said in a disappointed tone, "well, we could be closer, it could be better."

Some time later in the same store another worker and I were having a conversation, told her about our 27th anniversary. She mentioned her many years of marriage. She said she hit the Jack Pot when she married her husband. How he takes care of her and was interested in her as a person, her goals ,her growth and her dreams, it was refreshing to hear. 

When I council experienced couples, those who have been married for 10+ years,

one of the first things I say to them is you both have changed and are going to change again as time goes on: stay current with your mate! keep up with who they are and are becoming. Don't lose track of them as an individual. 

I then tell them to read the lyric to the Rupert Holmes song "Escape" The pina~colada song. Until next time.

Please feel free to leave a comment.

RUPERT HOLMES LYRICS

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"Escape (The Piña Colada Song)"

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleepin' I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns, there was this letter I read

If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half bad

Yes, I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's where we'll plan our escape

So I waited with high hopes and she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady and she said, "Aw, it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment and I said, "I never knew."

That you like piña coladas and gettin' caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
You're the lady I've looked for, come with me and escape

Listen and listen good! Communication 101

Listening and listen good: Communication 101

I was having a conversation with my daughter. We were talking about general bad habits around the house. All though my daughter is an adult, I went into my "Father knows Best" mode and started giving her instructions on how to watch for bad habits when visiting other people's homes, as I was in mid sentence, she cut me off!

I guess she figured she heard enough, and knew what I was about to say. My guess is she didn't want to hear a long lecture and launched into her dissertation on her excellent outside-the-house- good-habits! She went on with how careful she was about her conduct around her friends, her good,no, excellent manners. Her being polite and how conscience she was of leaving things out, how she ALWAYS put thing back where she found them. She was on a roll!. I'm almost thinking.....who are you and what have you done with my daughter!?I took both of her hands, looked her in the eyes and asked "How much have you learned in life by talking?" She smiled and apologized.

One of the major ways we learn as we go through life is from listening, hearing what's being said, and sometimes what's not being said. To the men, someone once said:"Listen very closely when a women is quiet!"  And to the women: "If you wish to know the mind of a man,listen to his words." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

Want to know what's one of the first steps in the development of a healthy relationship? Start with listening to each other. Listening is crucial when it comes to learning your mate!  I can't over emphasize this point. When a husband and wife learn to listen to what is being said in a conversation between the two, and take into consideration that they are individuals and deserve to be heard, and appreciated, the building blocks of a solid relationship are being established.

Has this ever happened to you? Your husband or wife has done something, or said something that didn't sit well with you and as a result you were hot, mad, upset! However as you heard them out and listened to their explanation, anger began to leave. I know this doesn't happen all of the time, but you get the point, that it was through listening that a blow-up or fight was averted.

So remember, One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.

Feel free to leave a comment.

An Ear to Hear

Hello and Welcome to Irresistible Husbands:

Since this is my first blog, let me tell you a little bit about myself and why I've started this blog.  I've been happily married to my sweet wife for a little over 27 years and we've been blessed with three children ages 13,17 and 20. We are the best of friends; we talk for hours!  We still hold hands. I still open the door for my bride, and our passion for each other is stronger than it was in our youth. We not only love each other, we are "In Love" with each other!!!  A great deal of our success was obtained by a willingness on both parts to listen to one another.  By doing that, we learned to "fight fair", but that's not how my life started out.  I didn't get this relationship from long years of watching an example.

To give you a little background, I was born and raised in Chicago, the 7th of 10 children. I grew up in a dysfunctional home. When I grew older and saw my parents 53 year "marriage", I vowed that when I got married, I was not going to have a relationship like theirs! My mom and dad came to a place in their relationship where they were just room mates. They got use to being around each other. I never witnessed romantic love between them, I never saw my dad show any affection toward my mom. I never heard my dad call my mom a term of endearment, like "sweetheart", or "honey".....nothing. I never saw them kiss, hold hands or even hug each other. I know...sad. However, I did see emotion. Unfortunately, it was usually anger.  I remember the loud arguments and abuse that went on in the home. So you may ask "well, how did you know what to do after you got married"?! Well, I simply did the exact opposite of what I saw my father do.  

I made sure that my wife knew that she was the apple of my eye, and I daily expressed my love and appreciation for her. She knows she has my heart. However, we are both human and we have our disagreements, even arguments. So here's my question. When you think of the word "Argument" what comes to mind?

An Ear to Hear

The goal of this article is to help people understand the crucial importance of listening, and hearing in relationships, and why it is the most important part of communication.When you get into a fight vs. an argument, you cut off the possibilities of good communication (i.e. listening and hearing). Whatever you want to call it: a verbal fight, a disagreement, or a spat, when voices are being raised, and names are being called and the verbal exchange turns personal, ugly and unfortunately physical, that's not an argument....that's a fight! And both sides are trying to "win" the battle. Here's the problem,someone is going to lose. Most believe that this is just an argument when it's really not, it is a fight! The definition of fight:a violent confrontation or struggle,a battle or war This is the beginning of the destruction of communication and the realationship!

Why do I say that, you ask? Here's why: Anytime I say things to deliberately hurt my spouse, or they say something that cuts to the heart to the point that it creates a spark that kindles deep animosity and resentment.  As a result, I see them in a light that I've never seem them before, a light that reflects a hurtful person.  This is a fight and not an argument. A argument is an attempt to get the other person to see your point of view, not so that you can win, but  so that you both advance in the relationship. Now, the reason I focused on this for my first series of articles is because so many relationships have fallen apart because of this particular misunderstanding in communication. It's time we learn how to communicate in a way that brings success and satifaction to both parties.

Feel free to comment or share your experiences.